On Monday, I wrapped myself up in a whirlwind of anxiety. In an effort to feel productive I decided to focus on being proactive about my healthcare. I spent an hour jumping from website to website and feeling more and more anxious as time passed because I couldn’t, for the life of me, understand a damn thing about getting individual insurance. My jumping around led me to wondering about whether my diagnosis would be considered a “pre-existing condition” (it is) and whether my oncology team and medications would be covered.
In a moment of clarity, I thought to look to the American Cancer Society website — because if anyone knew about these specific questions, it should be them, right? Right. Well I called their number and was able to speak to an operator who patiently listened to me explain my situation and my concerns and from there she patched me to a healthcare representative who kindly walked me through everything he knew. I was on the phone with the ACS for two hours and by the end I felt like I had a better understanding of my options and a clear decision.
To add on to that, I made a few calls to my credit card company and my student loan company and I ended up piling more questions to be anxious about.
How will I pay for insurance? Should I look for a part time job? Can I look for a part time job? (the answer to both of those questions is “no”). Okay so I can’t look for a job. How will I afford to pay my bills? What happens if the clinical trial isn’t covered by insurance?
And on and on it went. So I did something I thought I’d never do.
I started a GoFundMe campaign.
And I immediately felt guilty about it. I thought, “Who am I to ask people to help me? Who am I to ask for help from family and friends who work so hard?”
The outpouring of love and support that came from it was overwhelming. Friends and family and people that I’ve known from every part of my life came through with donations for me and warm wishes. I couldn’t and still cannot believe how many people were willing to help. It astounded me.
So, I wanted to thank everyone who reads and follows along with me in my adventures and say that I see you and I thank you.
Also on Monday, I signed up and created a team for the Light the Night Walk in Princeton, NJ. I have been wanting to learn more about the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society for some time but I think that for a while, thinking about it was so raw to me. I think I’m ready now to get involved. Today I met with a campaign manager to learn more about the walk and to learn about how I can get more involved with the society. I’m really excited for this event and I hope that I can be able to use this new platform I’ve created to spread awareness and to help create a momentum.
I feel very inspired today and I plan to write more and continue to create more content. I feel like this has given me a purpose that I have been looking for in my life and that maybe this will motivate me to spark change.
It’s not hard for me to love you
Because you are the world to me.