last week, on April 19th, was my four year cancer-versary, and on Tuesday, April 26th was the anniversary of my very first post and the beginning of amandavscancer [ first blog post | first IG post ] these past few years have been an absolute whirlwind and I am grateful to be walking into this anniversary knowing that I am in remission.
so what have I been up to lately …?
in the weeks between my mid-march appointment, finding out I’m in remission, and leading up to today, I’ve been having a mini existential crisis about who I am and what this would mean for me and what this would mean for Amanda vs cancer.
for the past four years, I’ve completely immersed myself in navigating my way through my diagnosis. it has felt like I’ve spent these few years unable to breathe. the adrenaline of moving from one stage to the next, the uncertainty of each appointment and treatment decision.
is this the right decision? will this work? what if this backfires and it gets worse? what if I’m wrong? what if it changes? how long will this continue?
and now, a different uncertainty…
where do I go from here?
I considered completely rebranding this site and completely changing this into something that would be able to translate across all of my different interests because I thought, what more could I say? but I don’t think this is something I’m ready to let go of. this isn’t something im ready to walk away from. I feel like there is more I can do.
Light the Night – Team Amanda vs Cancer
I’m excited to say I’ve decided to dive back into fundraising for the leukemia and lymphoma society’s light the night campaign.
I’ve truly missed being a part of the event and being team captain! i really hope I am able to attend in person but I’m honestly not sure
Advocacy with the Office of Public Policy – NJ State Leader
I recently accepted a volunteer position as a state advocacy leader for the leukemia & lymphoma society’s advocacy team and office of public policy. i am so excited to move forward with this role and to move into a new phase of amandavscancer. in this role, I will be working alongside members of the Leukemia & Lymphoma society’s office of public policy responsible for recruiting, developing and mobilizing our Advocacy Committee to build LLS’s ability to influence change within public policy.
interested in getting involved?
I also started up a YouTube channel at the beginning of march as a part vlog, part booktube community, and also to share some of the cancer related stuff I’ve learned over the past four years. it’s been a lot of new things for me to learn about filming and editing but I’m trying to keep up with it and trying to keep moving through. I have so many ideas for the types of videos I want to make and I hope you’ll stay tuned to see what comes next 🙂
and last but not least, I finally started a book blog! I’ve wanted to do this for a long time and I’ve tried starting it a few times over the past few years but I think I’m ready to keep it up now! oh, and if you need a little more convincing, check out my puppy rating system based on my pups: champ & Freyja!
meet the champ stamp!
it’s been hard for me to stay focused with everything going on. I was talking to Michael, therapist extraordinaire, about it this morning and I think the biggest issue for me is I tend to over complicate things. I’ve been stressing about this post for a week. about how I want it to look about what I want to say and in what order. I feel like I’ve forgotten what it’s like to just write. but I want to change that. writing this? writing my update post for my reading blog last night? that felt so good. I missed tapping into this part of me. the part that overshares in a (semi)healthy way. I’ve been so focused on trying to make every post perfect so it can gain traction and go viral and I forget sometimes that I started this for me. I started this to help process all the bullshit I was thinking and feeling and so, why can’t I just keep doing that? so that’s what I’ll do. I think, when I’m ready, I’ll write about isolation and all of the reasons I’ve been missing in action for the past couple of years. but until then, thanks for being here.
thanks for always being here.
I’m so grateful for you.
I love you.