After getting through the anxiety of night one and making sure I mix everything correctly and that I’m stabbing myself with the right needle properly, I think it’s safe to say that I’m getting the hang of this.
It’s definitely… uncomfortable… to say the least and I am starting to feel more and more anxious and panicky with it. I can feel the hormones changing me. I get cramps and I get irritable and my anxiety heightens. It’s like PMS x10000. My dosage increased tonight and I hope that means that the oocyte harvest procedure will be sooner rather than later. I just want to finish getting this done so that I can move on to treatment.
And to my little eggies, my future little babies:
I love you so much already. Please cooperate. Please be safe in your retrieval. Please be safe in your freezer. Please wait for me. Wait until I am ready. I am trying to save you. I’ve always wanted you. Now more than ever. I hope I will be a worthy mother for you one day.
Oh God, I’m starting to cry. I feel so emotional and I’m not sure if it’s the three sets of injections from tonight or my prayer for my little eggies. I knew this would be an emotional process. But thinking of these eggies now, as I am getting ready for them to be preserved, makes them more real to me. Makes them more than just the eggs that have been sitting in my ovaries waiting to turn into zygotes and babies.
I love you little ones. I can’t wait until we are ready to meet. Not yet. Maybe not for a little while. But know that I love you so much already.